|
AnkhPriestess
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Negative Nancy
Country: United States
State: Oklahoma
Metro: Tulsa
Gender: Female
Interests: Poetry, short stories, dark art and artists, my friends, anything to do with the supernatural, and refusing to "grow up."
Expertise: Questioning my own sanity, and other things that go bump in the night.
Occupation: Artiste Extraordinaire
Industry: Night Crawling
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
MSN: wouldn't you like to know?
Member Since:
5/24/2005
|
|
| Some Days...
Some days I wake up happy, As though the sun will never set. And some days I wake up sad, Thinking of things I’ve done I regret. Some days I wake up anxious, Feeling the fear of failure in my bones. And some days I wake up next to you Empowered by our love. It’s on those days I wish I could take that feeling of rapture To bottle it and not distinguish This feeling I have captured. | | |
| The Strange DreamI had a dream last night, a very vivid one in fact. I dreamt that I was looking at myself in the mirror, and my hair continued to get longer and darker as I brushed it. It became fuller...and in that mirror I saw myself as possibly others have seen me, but what I was never able to see. This may sound narcissistic...but it's not meant that way at all. I was finally able to see my own beauty while looking at my changing reflection there.I saw myself become someone to be admired...a genuinely good person.
For whatever reason I have never been able or allowed myself to see this...but after a conversation I had last night with my man...I guess it came through my subconscious.
I need to stop seeing all of the negative in everything...I just don't know how. I've got a book that might help me with obsessive thought patterns, of which I am all too familiar.
I'm so tired of feeling this way...feeling like every day is a struggle...logically I shouldn't feel this way, and I know this. I'm just so damned tired of fighting these old demons.
| | |
| Starting Over...I cannot muster enough courage
to find the words
that are in my heart
for you.
I'm fragile, and frightened, and frankly...
a bit fatigued.
I don't know how to tell you
that I think of you everyday...
every hour...
every second.
Maybe I feel like...
this feeling of ecstasy will end...
that you will no longer want me...
or use me until I'm spent.
I want to trust you....to hold on
to what brought us together
and take that moment
and safely tuck it inside
my soul...
forever.
| | |
| Happy Singles' Awareness/Cardiovascular Day :-/My ex came and got the rest of his stuff on Valentine's Day, and the only redeeming factor in that was that , well, besides a few things I can't share on here, we went to Taco Bell. Yep, sort of a last supper, if you will. I've completely scrubbed the apartment, vacuumed, the whole nine yards. Nothing like a good cleaning to make the demons go away...
I don't know when I've been more screwed up than at this moment, or have been drunk in more weekends in a row than I would like to recall. The funny thing is, we never celebrated Valentine's Day when we were married, so I shouldn't be so depressed, but let's face it: divorce sucks anytime of the year. It's just really ironic that it had to be now.
| | |
| Who Does This Stuff?!?I'm so tired, and I have a funny story, even if it was at my own expense, to share with you all...But alas, I have to get ready for work.
So, without further ado....I'll just be a tease until I actually get motivated to tell you all about it! 
Edit:
So, I close at the coffee shop Thursday night, and it's a late night coffee house, so we close at midnight during the week and 3 am on the weekends. (*Which, thank the gods, I will be putting my two weeks notice soon. Working this second job has quite possibly made me a functioning smoker...it's like a functioning alcoholic, but with sobriety. ) I also work a full time job, 8am -5pm at an office, and would just rather work there, and that be it. But, whatever...until I can definitely know that I don't owe my lawyers anymore money for the divorce fees, I would rather play it safe. Or, maybe I'll just put in my two-weeks on Tuesday, which is probably what I'll end up doing anyway. Yay for sanity, right? Riiiiiight.
Well, to continue my story, as I was closing up shop on Thursday night, I finished cleaning out the men's bathroom, and walk out back into the main lobby. That's when I hear giggling...which turned out to be drunken laughter. I close by myself, at a downtown coffee shop at midnight...I don't know about you, but it can get a little creepy there all alone at night at times. Plus, I'm pretty sure the cafe's haunted, but that's another story.
Anyhoo...I hear this laughing and stop dead in my tracks. I turn to see where it's coming from, and this drunk, homeless guy is putting his face up to one of the freaking windows, just staring and giggling at me!! Those of you who know me pretty well know that I have a humongous fight or flight instinct. Well, for what it's worth, my instinct told me to flip off the homeless guy. Yep...as soon as I did it, I thought..."Oh, good job. Piss off the crazed homeless dude." I don't know why, but I just flipped the guy off. I guess I was too tired to put up with any other kind of drama, and he certainly fit the bill. Well, I had already finished closing and all I really needed to do was lock the door and set the alarm, and I did this at amazing speed. I could hear the guy rounding the corner, towards the door, so I casually sprinted to my car, keys in hand as soon as I made sure the alarm was set.
Have you ever heard anyone who you know was certifiable just randomly talk to themselves? Well, this guy was definitely speaking his own language, because he was just speaking jibberish. And walking toward me while I made my way to my car. I cannot tell you how freaked out I was! 
| | |
|
